Better Than I Deserve
I met one of my friends in a cute local shop while browsing around. She happens to be the owner, and the moment I met her, I fell in love with this vivacious and loving woman! Over the course of time, I’ve observed a few of her key phrases when interacting with others. One phrase in particular really stands out to me. Whenever asked, how she’s doing, she always responds with, “Better than I deserve, thank you for asking!”
I met one of my friends in a I’ve heard those words roll off her tongue a lot. Words are powerful and being a word girl myself, I really take notice to how things are said and the context in which they are spoken.
The phrase, “Better than I Deserve”, makes me think of Job and how he lost everything, including his family, and yet he still worshiped God saying, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” {Job 1}
When Job was miserable with leprosy he still declared, “Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” {Job 13:15}
As you know, losing my Daddy to his Final Destination has been deeply painful for me. My struggle to embrace the love and support of friends and family, as well as the realization that I can’t do this on my own, so need to reach out for help, has been a topic in this beloved space. Not wanting to burden others, yet not wanting to mask my pain has served as a challenging balancing act, to say the least. Yet still, if you ask me today, “how are you?” I would choose to respond with, “Better than I Deserve”, because the truth is… I really am better than I deserve. The pain is deep, the tears still flow, my heart aches, and yet reality is, I am truly, madly, deeply loved and blessed by my Heavenly Father.
Amidst all this pain, I am seeing such beauty all around me. Beauty in the love and support from my amazing husband; his tenderness, compassion, and loving heart blows me away as he daily walks beside me. Beauty in the encouragement and kindness of my friends and family. Beauty in the growing unity among my siblings. Beauty in the legacy my Daddy left within my own heart, being carried on every single day.
The verse my daddy used as his determining factor for not choosing medical treatment for his cancer, was 2 Samuel 24:14. From this verse came his own words, “I would rather fall into the hands of God, than the hands of man”
By choosing the response, “Better than I Deserve”, I too am choosing to fall into the amazingly strong, yet loving hands of my Heavenly Father and allowing Him to envelop me with His grace; for it is more than sufficient for me, especially in my weakness. {2 Corinthians 12:9} I don’t need to “have it all together”, it’s okay for me to be a “wild mess of emotion” as I walk this painful journey! The key is remembering that I am “Better than I Deserve”…
…and so are you!
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Satin Pelfrey
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Wow thank you Father for these words expressing Your heart for us. Yes i agree Satin it certainly is better to fall into the hands of our great God than into the hands of man.
Love this post.
Xo
I happened across your post, while looking for a scripture set to music (let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy site O Lord).
I think I am contemporary with your dad (age 60), I think he would tell you how your commitment to His Lord blesses him.
Over the years, I written several journals that I hope my daughters run across. Mostly studies on topics that I’ve asked my Lord about, but never found an avenue to share with anyone (especially my daughters). I hope he’s left such things for you to find.
Over the years, I known a number of Christian ladies who have lost husbands (I’ve not know their daughters very well). One thing I think relates though, is that the first year is the most challenging. Each event that is special to you and your dad, will be a challenge this first year. I suggest as each comes, that you write in a journal something that makes that event special for you and your dad. This will not only be special to you in the future, but also to your children and other family members.
I look forward to going home, but it concerns me how it will affect my wife (should she out live me). Not that I am in any anticipation of leaving any time soon. I expect your dad had a certain excitement about going home also, and yet some sadness about how it would affect you.
I hope the ramblings of an old man bring you some joy and peace in our Lord, Bill
Wow was a sweet surprise to find your comment here. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts. This first year without my Daddy is definitely difficult as we try to find “the new normal”…
Blessings to you!