Finding The New Normal

{Mom and me}
We’re sitting across the table, eating dinner, enjoying a delicious meal accompanied with chatter, laughter, and even a few tears.

We talk about life, our days now, and then it turns to reminiscing on our life together with my Daddy, so consequently we shed some tears, because the truth is, we both miss him terribly. Yet we’re sitting at a new restaurant, trying new food and making new memories together, doing our best to embrace the “new normal”

What does the new normal look like after losing someone you love? I’m learning the answer to this, one day at a time, but from my perspective, the new normal is simply choosing to make new memories… even though it’s painful to do so, without the person you love and lost.

Guilt tugs at my heart strings as I struggle to embrace the new normal, for fear of losing the old memories of my Daddy. That same guilt threatens to keep me hunkered down for a long winter of sadness, for fear of somehow hurting my Daddy by moving on without him. However, his words resound in my heart and triumph over all: “When I am gone, don’t spend your days crying over me! Move on! Live your life and be happy. No wallowing in the mulligrubs”

It’s easy to get in a rut, staying where we are comfortable, and when something as painful as death rocks our world, it’s even more difficult to branch out into something new and unfamiliar. However, I am finding that part of my healing process requires that I put myself out there, embrace the change and make new memories to help heal my hurting heart.

For me, the new normal is tattered with smiles and laughs as well as reminiscing and tears. Though guilt throws its nasty daggers at my heart, I refuse to let those daggers sink in, because reality is, my Daddy is very much a part of who I am! In order to honor his wishes for my own happiness, I must choose to make new memories.

Making new memories doesn’t mean erasing the old memories; it simply means that while I make these new memories, I carry my Daddy’s memories along for the ride. There may be tears, as I hike up to the top of a waterfall, or sink my toes in to the sand..  as I choose to make new memories, yet wish my Daddy were there to share them with me. However, like I said in my goodbye letter to my Daddy, those tears aren’t bad, they come from a heart overflowing with love. Those tears mean my Daddy made an impact on me in such a way that even when he’s not with me in person, his passion, his spirit and his love for adventure lives on in me every single day.

The “new normal” doesn’t have anything “normal” about it, it’s new and unfamiliar, yet I’m choosing to embrace it one moment at a time.

Amidst this ever-changing life, one thing is certain: God is forever faithful.